Should I Stay?
From The Birdhouse
Owl pops into spawn and does his usual spin-around— he always forgets which direction he faces when he comes in, and does a full turn before heading up to his spawn house. He has a sign in hand, ready to place on his mailbox and redirect people to drop any packages at Hill Valley instead. The new mailbox is so fancy, it lights up and everything, and he even used some complicated redstone parts that he doesn't quite understand.
As he climbs the hill, he notices a shadow looming. It's a pretty copper tower, extending from Finch's pretty birdhouse. And... there's a greenhouse! Roofed with green glass and covered in beautiful plants. There's even a jukebox! Owl grins, flapping his hands, and pulls out his communicator.
<owl> pretty garden!!
<owl> yuo have a jukebox too thats smart
A few moments later, it pings with a response.
<Finch> thanks...
He heads to his house and tacks up the sign. Standing back and admiring his handiwork, he finds his gaze drifting back to the greenhouse. He should do something for Finch. To help him smile again. What could he do?
Oh!
A short while later, he's teleporting back to spawn. After the spin-around, he skips up the shiny new copper stairs and clambers over the roof, peeking through the glass. Finch is writing in a book, hair curtained over its eyes. But then he tucks a few strands behind his ear, and Owl sees tears shimmering.
"God?" they ask, voice tinged with concern, and it jumps.
"Jesus—" he hisses. Its hair falls back and it shuts the book with a singular jerking motion, pen landing softly in the moss.
"Are you okay?" they say, quiet. Nervous. They've never seen Finch cry before. Actually, they don't think they've ever seen anyone here cry before. Except themself.
Finch turns away and swipes a hand across his face. When he turns back, the tears are gone, and he shoves the writing materials in the bookshelf next to his chair. "Yeah. I'm fine."
Owl stares for a few moments, unsure how to proceed. Crying usually means someone isn't fine, but... Finch is hard to read. And not as receptive to their friendship advances as the other folks on the server. If they try too hard, he might get even more sad.
They hold up the flowers in their hand. Three daisies. "I brought flowers. For your pretty garden."
"I assume you want me to come out there so you can give them to me, instead of just putting it in my mailbox?"
"...Yeah."
He sighs and disappears. They crane their head and spot him at the spawn point, so they jump down the hill to meet him there. When they hit the ground, they realize he's already gone back up the stairs.
"We went opposite directions!" they giggle as they walk back up. "That was real funny."
Finch doesn't laugh.
"Um," they say, hurrying to cover up the awkward silence, "I really like your pretty garden. So I got some daisies to give you, 'cause daisies are the best flower!"
"You don't say?" he asks, raising a brow. They think they might see a tiny smile behind its mask, but they can't be sure. "They're not my favorite, but I... support that? I guess?"
"Thank you! I really love daisy." They give a big, beaming smile.
"Daisy?"
"Yeah, I love daisies!"
"That's— Sure."
"Anyway, here's the daisies!" They hand the flowers over, careful to leave plenty of room on the stems below their fingers. Finch grabs them from the very bottom. They bend forward under their own weight until Owl steps back and he gathers them up in his hands. "Oh and also, I saw your jukebox and thought it was nice so I put a jukebox in mine too so I can play music while I talk to my bees!"
"Sounds nice. I'll have to visit sometime," he says, and shuffles ever so slightly backwards.
"You could visit now!" they blurt. Then wrings their hands together. "If you're not busy. The bees miss you."
The seconds that pass feel like forever, at least to Owl, who starts bouncing on their heels in anticipation. Finally, he puts the daisies in his pocket and nods.
"Fine."
"Yay! Let's go!" They immediately turn and start skipping to the Hill Valley teleport, blabbering on as they do. "I've been workin' real hard on the clocktower, it's really big and it's not done yet but I think it looks pretty neat."
They slap the button with boundless energy and bounce around the clocktower, waiting for Finch to follow. When he appears, they have a split-second instinct to press the button and play their favorite game of "send my friends back to spawn over and over again." But they have a feeling Finch wouldn't enjoy that game.
So they hop down the stairs, arms spread out in a grand gesture, and marvel at the beauty of the past few day's work. "It's so tall! I keep falling but that's okay, I got really good armor so I didn't die. You can see the clock's gonna go up there, it's the most important part."
"Good for you," he replies, trudging after them as they cross the square.
They reach the record shop and climb the scaffold elevator to the garden. Owl squeals in delight and pets a bee as it flies into their chest.
"See look, there's a jukebox now!" they say, pointing to the corner. "And I added glowberries too, for a snack." One of the vines is already draping over the jukebox, a few scattered berries blooming from the upper vine. "And a spore blossom up there! The bees love to go and spin around and do a little dance."
One of the bees flies up to the glass ceiling, where a spore blossom hangs, sending tiny bits of pollen around the area. Owl watches, flapping their hands, but the bee sinks down and lands on a flower instead.
"Aw, I thought you were gonna dance," they say.
Finch looks around the garden. His shoulders hitch upwards, hands in fists at his sides. When Owl turns to him, he says, "I have things to do. Bye."
"Oh okay. B—"
He disappears in an agitated puff of smoke. They stare at the space where he'd been standing. Listening to the buzzing of the bees and trying to ignore the sinking feeling in their heart.
"Guess I'll take your honey and then... I think I'll write in my journal," they murmur to a bee.
Later, when they'd returned their journal to its spot on their desk, they find themself wondering if there was anything left in their mailbox at spawn. They put the sign on it, but can't remember if they emptied it out first.
Oh, well. Doesn't hurt to check! And maybe they can say hi to Finch again. That would be nice.
They teleport, spin around, and once they've oriented themself, they process the music playing from somewhere above.
Should I stay, or should I go now?
It doesn't sound like anything they've heard before. But it's nice. Upbeat and dancey. They like that kind of song. Where is it playing?
Should I stay, or should I go now?
They follow the noise back up to the greenhouse. There's a disc in the jukebox, blaring loud and far.
If I go, there will be trouble
"Oh!" they mumble, pressing a hand to the copper wall. "God's jukebox!" Finch is nowhere to be found. Why'd he put on music if he wasn't gonna listen to it? Maybe he just forgot to turn it off. They pull out their communicator.
<owl> hey god u left ur music playign
Finch drowned
<owl> oh no!!
They frown in sympathy. They've drowned before, probably. The memory sits far back in their head, nearly unreachable.
And if I stay, it will be double
There's a clatter, and a muttered curse, and then Finch is in the garden, diving for the jukebox.
So come on and let me know—
The song grinds to a halt, and the silence that follows is more oppressing than the sound had been. Finch stands with the disc in an iron grasp, breath heaving. Maybe he can't see them through the grates and the glowberries. They step away, back against the wall, and send another message.
<owl> i liked the song i hope ur ok
<Finch> you werent supposed to see or hear any of that.
<owl> drownings not very fun
<owl> oh
<Finch> Im sorry, Im okay.
<owl> are yuo sure?
<owl> u dont gotta be
<Finch> dont gotta be what?
<owl> u dont gotta be ok. if ur not feelign ok
Slowly, trying very hard not to make a sound, Owl leaves the greenhouse and heads for their spawn house. They don't check the mailbox. Instead, they sit cross-legged on the kitchen floor, forehead pressed to Galileo's own, and scratch his ears until their communicator pings.
<Finch> I have to be.
<owl> why?
<Finch> I dont know.
<Finch> I shouldnt be involving you in this.
<owl> but
<owl> i dont wnat you to be sad
<owl> um but also its ok to be sad somtimes
<Finch> youre too kind, Owl.
<owl> well thats what freinds are for
<owl> id love to visit youre garden sometime
<owl> cause youve seen mine. yours looks nice and warm
A steady drip, drip, drip fades into existence. Clouds cover the sky, the light outside fades, and rain begins to fall.
<owl> aww its raining
A minute passes. A quiet chime from their pocket.
<Finch> I wish none of this was happening.
They bite their lip. So much has been happening, and it's all so hard to understand, and they can't help with any of it. But maybe they can help Finch feel a little less alone.
<owl> me neither
<Finch> I am sad, Owl.
<owl> can i help yuo not be sad?
<Finch> I dont think this is a sad you can help with.
<owl> oh
<owl> could i make it a little better maybe?
<Finch> I dont know.
<Finch> why do you let me act like this to you?
...Oh. Why? They don't know how to answer that. Kindness, and sympathy, and forgiving mistakes— that's as natural to them as breathing. How do they answer that question when their response is pure instinct?
<owl> i dunno
<owl> i just dont wanna see anyone hurtign
<owl> so i try my best to make it better
<Finch> it hurts you.
<owl> yeagh. sometimes
<owl> but just cause it hurts a little dosent mean its not worth it
<owl> freinds are worth it all the time
<Finch> its not going to hurt a little.
<owl> well then... thats ok. im super brave
<Finch> ...stop. you dont understand.
<Finch> I cant explain it to you.
<Finch> just stop trying to get close to me. Its going to hurt both of us.
<owl> but then., woudnt it be nice to have a friend with yuo while your hurting?
<Finch> maybe.
<owl> i think itd be nice
<Finch> why me?
<owl> i dunno
<owl> youre nice
<owl> you like hill valley adn the garden adn i have fun hanging out
<Finch> I dont understand.
<Finch> everyone else thinks Im crazy or an asshole.
<Finch> and Im afraid some of them want to hurt me.
<Finch> and Im afraid of things I could never explain to you.
<owl> i know i probably cant help with some stuff cause i dont get it
<owl> but
<owl> i could be here for yuo and help with some of the stuff that i get
<owl> i um. i know whats its like. to have peoplle that wanna hurt yuo
<owl> so i got good at protectign
<owl> adn being a freind to give hugs and make yuo feel better
<Finch> I dont know how to respond.
Thunder rumbles in the distance. Owl takes off their glasses and presses their face into Galileo's fur. They don't know, either. This is all so much. Finch is hurting but he doesn't want their help. Finch is hurting but he can't get their help. Finch is hurting and there's a deep, cavernous hole in Owl's heart from endlessly given smiles, carefully written letters, excited build tours, cheerful compliments, gift after gift in pursuit of friendship and they would never, ever say it out loud but it hurts.
Why can't he see what they're giving to him? How much is he suffering that he can't understand?
Their communicator pings, snapping them out of their thoughts.
<Finch> I dont know how to deal with this.
<Finch> when I first got here I just went along with what everyone was saying to me. they would say nice things to me and I would give them things.
<Finch> they would say thank you and run off. I kept giving people things because it made them happy.
<owl> that was realy nice of you
<Finch> I started telling people no because I felt like maybe I was being taken advantage of and I dont know. everything fell apart from there.
<Finch> and then someone else started giving gifts.
<Finch> maybe in response to my stopping?
<Finch> I dont know.
<owl> someone else?
<Finch> someone who wants to hurt me.
<owl> that sounds scary
<Finch> it is.
<Finch> I dont know why he would give anyone anything.
<Finch> he would be happy if I wasnt around.
<owl> well then i hope he gose away and leaves you alone
<owl> i dont want yuo to not be around
<Finch> something tells me him leaving me alone isnt going to happen.
<owl> id
Lightning flashes in the window before they can finish the message. They gasp, barely choking back a sob, and run for the hallway. Galileo follows dutifully, pressing against them in comfort. They squeeze themself into the corner, chest heaving with shaky breaths, and turn their attention back to the conversation.
<owl> i dont like the lightning
<Finch> I dont like thunder.
<Finch> I guess we can agree on that.
<owl> but id try to protect yuo. if he dosent leaveyou alone
<Finch> you dont have to do that.
<Finch> I have a plan.
<owl> realy?
<Finch> Ive had a plan, actually.
<owl> oh well thats good
<owl> can ihelp with the plan?
<Finch> you dont want to help with this.
<owl> why not? i wanna helphim leave yuo alone
<Finch> he wouldnt listen to you.
<Finch> he doesnt listen to anyone.
<Finch> Its all gonna be okay.
Another roll of thunder. They shiver, and then sigh. Well, if Finch says it's gonna be okay, then it's probably gonna be okay. He knows a lot more than they do. They trust him.
<Finch> can I tell you a secret?
<owl> yeah
<owl> im the best sercet keeper. champion of it
<Finch> well, let me ask you a question first.
<Finch> do you know how teleporting works?
<Finch> or respawning?
<owl> not really
<owl> just know that yuo press stuff and u go there
<Finch> its something to do with souls. I dont quite understand it yet.
<Finch> ...somehow, our souls are tied to that spot on the island. or our beds, or command blocks. I can teleport wherever, and whoever. it takes a lot of energy, though.
<Finch> you can see souls...when sculk catalysts consume them.
<Finch> I dont know if these things are related.
<owl> oh
<owl> whys that a secret?
<Finch> Im getting to that part.
<Finch> I know Rhubarb is missing his soul. or a part of it...and thats why hes seen "the other side." and has some connection to sculk...
<Finch> hes gotten stuck mid teleport, before. thats what "eternity" refers to.
<Finch> I want to go there. It sounds safer than here.
<owl> like a hidign place?
<Finch> ...something like that.
<owl> but its not realy etirnity right? cause rhubrabs still here
<Finch> yeah, but hes only missing part of his soul.
<owl> so whatd happen if yuo hid in there?
<owl> cause your god so its different right?
<Finch> I dont know.
<Finch> what if I didnt have a soul?
<owl> well you come back when yuo die adn u teleport so dosent that mean you do?
Thunder cracks. Lightning flashes. Owl's head is pounding.
<Finch> I think my soul is a physical object.
<Finch> like I could remove it.
<owl> that sounds like itd hurt
<owl> why would u wanna do that?
<Finch> it might hurt.
<Finch> I feel it.
What does that mean? Their mind is still spinning with all the new information Finch had been explaining. It's so hard to understand. The storm isn't helping, either, flashes of lightning so bright they can feel it behind their eyes.
A quiet, cheerful chime.
<Finch> im sorry.
Suddenly they hear a sound, as clearly as if it was happening right in front of them. A horrible, wet squelch and then— something that sounds familiar but in a dreadful, awful way that makes them slap their hands over their ears, whining.
Finch parted with his soul
<owl> god?
Finch left the game