Animectomy
From The Birdhouse
“There’s something wrong with my soul.”
“How so?” Cherry cocked his head, and his expression shifted slightly. That small change betrayed boundless interest in this malformed, broken soul.
Rhubarb shifted uncomfortably in his seat. This wasn’t something he liked to talk about – he could hardly stand to think of it most days.
“What’s that look for?”
“...That’s all I know. There’s… something wrong with it. I don’t know what.” An ache started to form in his chest, right beneath the skin. It traveled down into the fat and deeper into the muscle, the same way he had done before.
Cherry hummed. “Have you ever seen your own soul?”
The question hit Rhubarb like a sack of wet mice. “I- no? How would I…” He knew exactly how – you can just take them out, of course. Normal people can. Finch did it. Rhubarb couldn’t. “I tried to look at it, once.”
“I take it you failed?”
“...I did.” Rhubarb rolled his eyes, trying desperately to brush off the malaise he was feeling. “He… you make it sound like it’s easy.”
“Well, it was for me!” Cherry was beaming, as if the memory of seeing your own soul could be pleasant. “It hurt, of course. At first. Then it didn’t feel like much of anything.”
“Did you just… reach in, or something?”
“Mhm! Gross, isn’t it?” His smile made Rhubarb feel sick.
‘Gross’ was one way to put it. Rhubarb could still remember the feeling; the different layers of skin, the fat and muscles and fasciae separating as he cut into his own chest, exactly as Finch had. There was no relief or numbing as he reached for his soul, only agony as his fingers grazed his ribs and all of the disgusting flesh inside him.
“...It’s pretty gross, yeah.”
“I did have some people to help me with it, in case I couldn’t handle the pain.” Cherry was still beaming, recounting this memory. How was he so cheery about it? “I pulled through, though. I don’t know what they’d have done if I chickened out!”
“What?”
“Did you have anyone helping you?”
Rhubarb looked at the ground. What was his problem? Yeah, of course, he could just ask one of the other islanders who hated him to watch him rip out his own soul. That totally would have gone over well! It would have made that meeting he ruined even more interesting! “No. I did it alone.”
Cherry reached a hand out to Rhubarb. He snapped his fingers in Rhubarb’s face when he still didn’t look up, too busy remembering that day in intense detail. Rhubarb immediately looked up, the noise startling him out of his daze. Cherry’s regular, seemingly-glued on smile was replaced with something gentler, but his blank eyes still burned holes through Rhubarb.
“How about I help you this time?”
Rhubarb felt like he was going to vomit directly into Cherry’s lap as he processed the question.
Cherry moved his hand under Rhubarb’s chin, gently tilting his face up and locking eyes with him. He stroked his cheek with his thumb; the unexpected touch sent a shiver through Rhubarb. It wasn’t a pleasant one. “I’ve taken out my own soul before; it’s gotta be even easier doing it to someone else, right?” His tone was saccharine and disgusting beyond words.
“Stop. Stop it.” Rhubarb grabbed Cherry’s wrist, abruptly ending his gesture of ‘affection.’ He loosened his grip as Cherry’s smile faded. “Sorry, I- I just don’t like to be touched like that.”
“I understand.” Cherry sighed. “I should have asked. But, my other question still stands. Would you like some help?”
Rhubarb squirmed away from Cherry trying to touch him again. “I don’t… I don’t know.”
“What’s got you hesitant about it?”
Everything, is what Rhubarb wanted to say. The pain and weakness he felt and the disgusting feeling of his insides and the shame. All of it. “I… I don’t know. Too much,” is what he actually said.
Cherry sighed again, like a teacher dealing with a child who scraped his knee. “Think of it like this, Rhubarb. I know what I’m doing, I’ve done it before-”
“You… you did it once! That’s nothing!”
“That’s more than you’ve managed, isn’t it?”
Rhubarb’s chest ached again, that searing pain radiating through his skin into his flesh.
“I know what to do, how to do it. If you want to know what’s wrong with your soul but can’t find it yourself, you might just need some help.” His voice was gentle as he reached around to pat Rhubarb on the back. Rhubarb resisted the urge to recoil from the touch; he knew it wouldn’t stop Cherry anyway.
He didn’t like this. He hated it. He stifled the urge to vomit and swallowed all of the words he wanted to say. He needed to know what was wrong with him; he needed it more than anything. He had resigned himself to never knowing, but now he had the chance to find something. Anything.
Rhubarb took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He had to steel his nerves. “Okay. You can try it.”
Cherry clapped. That plastic smile returned to his face and he positioned himself in front of Rhubarb. “I know you want to see your own soul, but I’ll be honest… I’m pretty interested in it, too.”
“Really?”
“Of course! I’ve never seen another soul with something wrong with it before, after all. That’s not something you see every day.” Rhubarb didn’t think to question his wording; a soul should be something you never see at all, but that’s far besides the point. “Here, take off your shirt. I don’t want to cut through the fabric.”
Rhubarb reluctantly stripped his shirt and bandana, revealing his thin frame. The scar from his previous attempt was ever-present, the entrance wound on his stomach paling in comparison in Cherry’s eyes. Cherry ran a finger down the scar, as if he was admiring the handiwork. “That’s a pretty clean cut. I don’t even need to draw a guideline to follow.”
“Thanks,” Rhubarb said, biting back a snarl. He didn’t want to be complimented for that. He felt disgusting.
“Lay on your back. It’ll be easier for me to cut if you’re under me.”
Rhubarb didn’t like this. He laid down anyway, trying to ignore everything he was feeling.
Cherry removed his sweater, tossing it onto the pile with Rhubarb’s clothes. He tucked his tie down into his shirt; he couldn’t have it hanging in the way while he was slicing his friend open. Every second felt like an eternity as Rhubarb waited for him to get started. He withdrew a diamond sword from his inventory space, and held it to Rhubarb’s throat for a second. He giggled when Rhubarb visibly tensed up, restraining himself from wiggling lest he poke himself on the tip of the blade.
“This is the same sword I used on myself. I kept it as diamond, in case I ever needed to do this again.” Cherry lifted the blade from Rhubarb’s neck and held the back edge in his hand. “Diamond’s sharp, and strong as long as you don’t hit it too hard.”
Rhubarb gulped as Cherry lowered himself on top of him, straddling his thighs. “Netherite’s stronger, and heavier, but it’s not as good at cutting cleanly. It leaves a nastier scar, too.”
“Why… why do you know all of this?”
Cherry just laughed. Rhubarb’s stomach churned as he stared at the tip of the blade. Cherry lowered it down, the cold sharp edge pressing on the scar tissue. It ached. It ached all the way through his body now.
“I’m going to start cutting now, okay? It’ll hurt.”
“I know.”
Rhubarb took in a deep breath as Cherry pressed the blade into his chest. The gentle ache was replaced with a sharp, searing pain. Cherry plunged the sword deeper, and slowly started to drag it towards him.
Rhubarb couldn’t help it anymore. He started to squirm and writhe under Cherry; the pain was too much, the memories of that day were too much, it was all too much. His own heartbeat was starting to pound in his ears already. He couldn’t hold back tears anymore.
Cherry withdrew the sword. “Hey. Stop moving.” He reached over and held Rhubarb’s head in place, holding his cheek against the floor. “If you want to see your own soul, you have to cooperate.”
“I can’t- I-” Rhubarb flinched as Cherry returned the blade to his chest. “Cherry, I can’t do this!”
“You can. You tried before. You’ll be fine.”
Rhubarb looked up at the man on top of him, calmly dragging a sword down his chest and severing the flesh keeping his organs in place. His face was blank, no more than a patient smile as he watched the blood pour out of Rhubarb.
“There, see? I made the cut. Now, I just have to…” Cherry tossed the sword aside, nonchalantly letting it drop to the floor. He reached into the new opening in Rhubarb’s chest, trying to feel around for his broken soul.
Rhubarb could hardly move anymore. Between panic and blood loss, he felt paralyzed underneath Cherry. He could feel everything – every movement of Cherry’s fingers inside of him, every graze of his fingernails, the blood still running out of him and onto the floor underneath. He could feel it, but he couldn’t make himself move. It was agony.
“Hmm. I think I see what you mean.” Cherry took his hand away from Rhubarb’s face, using it to pull the gash apart even further. “You obviously have a soul… You can respawn and teleport like me, but…” He pulled his other hand out and held the cut open. Rhubarb involuntarily whimpered in pain as his flesh was stretched out in ways he hadn’t conceived before. “It’s like it’s buried inside you.”
“Cherry, please- just- Please…” Rhubarb’s voice was weak. His breathing was quick and shallow.
“Relax. I know what I’m doing, okay?” He cupped Rhubarb’s face with his blood-covered hand, smearing his blood all over him. “I have an idea.”
Rhubarb prepared for whatever he was about to do. Cherry held one side of the cut open, and plunged his other hand deep into Rhubarb, like he was trying to pierce through his abdomen. Something came over Rhubarb – a wave of deep calmness, comforting yet agonizing all the same. It was as though he was suddenly paralyzed and frozen in place. All of the thoughts drained out of his mind, pouring out of his ears like nothing.
Cherry wrapped his hand around Rhubarb’s soul and pulled it out with force that Rhubarb could hardly feel.
“Look! Here it is!” Cherry exclaimed with an unnatural, uncomfortable glee.
“Is it… supposed to look… like that?”
Cherry looked at the ‘organ’ in his hands. “No. Not at all.”
It was luminescent, but dim. Its light was gentle, faint, and weakly pulsating. It looked like it was supposed to be a bright cyan, but had been left to rot like a tossed out stuffed toy. It dripped onto Cherry’s hands, the drops immediately evaporating as they fell.
It was the most terrifying, hideous thing Rhubarb had ever seen.
Cherry gently cradled it in his hands. “It’s small, for a soul. I can fit it in one hand.” Every touch sent a strange feeling into Rhubarb. It felt like someone was petting his head. It was… nice. “They’re supposed to be… well, bigger. Mine took both hands to hold.”
“That’s… not good… Why is it…” Rhubarb coughed. Blood came out of his mouth, dribbling down his face.
“I’ve never seen a soul like this before. It’s…” Cherry held it up to the light, watching it shimmer. “Beautiful.”
Rhubarb was silent.
“Ah… Are you there?” Cherry lowered the soul back into Rhubarb’s body. “I don’t want to keep it outside of you for too long.” He gingerly placed it down, watching it fade through his flesh and into its rightful place.
The feeling returned to Rhubarb’s body, but he couldn’t make himself move at all. He laid there in silence. What was there to say? He knew what his soul looked like. It was disgusting. It was broken and ugly and abnormal and wrong. It was everything he feared, everything he knew was true all along. Tears were welling from his eyes once again, rolling down his face and mixing with the puddles of blood.
“Hey, Rhubarb. There’s something special about you, you know.”
He just sighed. He couldn’t find any words to say.
“I’ve seen a few souls. They all look the same. Then there’s me, and then there’s you.”
Cherry brushed a stray hair off of Rhubarb’s face. Neither of them cared about the blood anymore. “Have you ever seen a broken screen, or a picture taken with a broken camera? There’s dark spots all over them. My soul looks a bit like that. Covered in dark spots that don’t glow anymore.”
Rhubarb stirred, an ear flicking at Cherry. He could almost visualize it; a soul with dead pixels.
“I’m defective too. I still bore my soul to the moon, and it still chose me.” Cherry smiled. It clearly meant a lot to him to be ‘chosen,’ whatever that meant. “I think your soul is beautiful just as it is! Even if it’s not a normal soul. It’s still you.”
Rhubarb closed his eyes. He was sick of this. He was sick of Cherry’s voice. He was sick of being told he was beautiful, that his soul was worth anything, he was sick of hearing about souls in general. He wanted to wake up. He just wanted to wake up and forget all of this.
Cherry pressed the sides of the cut together. Obviously, it wouldn’t heal in this dreamscape. It would just go back to normal when Rhubarb managed to wake up. Cherry still pressed it back together, like he was trying to stop the bleeding far too late into the process. It was… a kind gesture. It made Rhubarb want to scratch his skin off.
“Ah… I’m sorry if I said something wrong.” He sounded genuinely apologetic, as though he was capable of feeling remorse.
“...It’s whatever.”
Cherry perked up at Rhubarb’s voice. “Come see me soon, okay? Thank you for letting me do this.”
Rhubarb didn’t look at him. His voice was starting to fade out. He closed his eyes and waited for his body to wake up in the real world.
Rhubarb opened his eyes and saw the same ceiling he always sees. He rolled over and stretched, and felt a twinge of pain in his chest. The weather must be bad again; his scars usually hurt a bit worse when it had been raining for too long.
He couldn’t remember his dream, again. All he could remember from it was laying on the ground and hearing another voice saying something… Something like, “I love you.”